How to Do Hard Things
Honestly, I don’t know if I have satisfactory advice for how to motivate yourself to do hard things. The truth is that the desire must come from within, and it must burn so hot and so bright that nothing can prevent it from shining through. Of course, this is not to say that it must be intrinsically generated. Quite the contrary. I have been known, throughout my life, to reach for any and all motivational materials. For a long time, I was self conscious about being drawn towards these “self help” resources. But presently, I regard it as a valiant, valid search for meaning that works as a superpower. How are we, tiny humans, to glean all the purpose and meaning and tips and tricks from merely this one short life? And quickly, while it matters? We simply can’t. And so I turn to the stories and musings of others, standing on the shoulders of giants to peer at the world around me with a deepened sense of knowledge and wonder.
But I digress. Find motivational material wherever you can, and use it frequently when it resonates. For me, that is often written material, such as Jocko Willinck’s Discipline Equals Freedom. Less often, it comes from the powerful swell of music, like The Firebird Suite from Fantasia 2000. One of my all time favorites is this scene from the movie Facing the Giants, where the coach demands every ounce of effort from his athlete–his “very best”, until he’s “got nothin’ left”. Make no mistake, when I find content that moves me to action, I am sure to keep it close and readily accessible, ripe for any moment’s use. This particular video clip stays open in my Chrome tabs at all times. Difficult set at the gym? Listen. Feeling down and need the strength to get back up? Listen. Getting tired but still have more to conquer? That’s right, listen.
Discipline is a lot like courage, in that way. Courage is not what we do without fear, but what we do despite fear, in the face of fear. Discipline is not what we innately feel motivated to accomplish. It is what we ultimately choose to accomplish, whether we feel like it or not. It must become part of your identity, doing hard things. You must become the type of person who does hard things.
Another aspect of doing hard things is making those hard things easy. Ask yourself, “What if this were easy?” Difficult tasks can sometimes be broken down into smaller, easier tasks. They can be made manageable by tackling just the smallest amount at a time. “A marathon is run, of course, one step at a time.” Another angle we can come at this is from one of preparedness–if we are adequately prepared for the challenge ahead, that too, can make hard things not so hard. Chopping a tree is far easier with a sharp axe, after all. But this means more when we discuss specifics rather than keep it abstract.
I always thought it was silly when classmates pulled all-nighters to study for exams. They weren’t prepared. And studying all night in lieu of sleeping, resting, and letting your brain digest the material means you show up to the exam exhausted, bleary-eyed, with a brain that is not ready to perform optimally. Work smarter, not harder. Process the material while it is given, not at the end, when you’re expected to demonstrate a semester’s worth of knowledge.
My best advice is to always have the back of future you. Do the dishes now, before you go to bed, so that you can wake up to a clean kitchen. Pick your outfit for tomorrow, while you’re at it. Set out your gym clothes, to remove the excuses and decision fatigue of the next morning. Hell, sleep in it, if that’s what gets you to workout. Make your goals achievable. What if it were easy? Ask yourself, then do that. Just like with tying your identity to doing hard things, you need to become the caretaker of your future self. You must, without even questioning it, always do today what will make tomorrow easier. This is a simple concept, but for some, is a difficult reality. Those who are natural procrastinators find themselves in a world of pain when, yet again, they have prioritized their present self, their present gratification, over their future.
Whenever I have a trip approaching, the week before, I start a packing list. I start thinking about the items that I know I will need. In fact, this packing list starts from a template that I keep in my Notes app, which contains all of the categories (shirts, pants, underwear, shoes, etc) that I know I will need, as well as specific items I often travel with (the list of toiletries–toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, face wash–hardly changes trip to trip). I will almost always need a form of identification. I will almost always be bringing a water bottle, or a book, a hat, or my medications. Make it easy. Automate repetitive tasks. I automate the base of the packing list and adjust to my needs. I spend the week prior to the trip brainstorming which shirts and pants and shoes I will bring. That way, even if I wait until the last minute to pack (which, as you might imagine, I don’t), I am fully prepared, down to the exact white shirt, to grab what is needed. I once made a flight home that I certainly should have missed because past me, Katy from yesterday, had packed my suitcase despite being drunk. Because even in an inebriated state, I know to take care of business today in preparation for tomorrow.
When life seems unnecessarily hard, it often is. You must ask yourself “How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?” - Jerry Colonna. Are you avoiding the actions that need to be taken? Are you procrastinating instead of tackling life head on? Are you prioritizing present contentment and creating future suffering? What could you do, today, right now, to make life easier tomorrow?
Once you figure that out, you’ll realize that the key to today’s ease is yesterday’s efforts. And it’s not so painful that way. You can do hard things, especially when you’ve already started.
“Follow the fire in your belly. Make sacrifices.” - Lori Gottlieb